Wasteful mini-games, like shooting zombies as Nick rounds the bases at a ball diamond, or making your way through Pac-Man mazes in a faux video game, are empty forms of variety. Lollipop Chainsaw is barren, devoid of substance. For the most part, they’re just fodder for you to fill the requisite kill counter before moving onto the next uninspired arena battle. Others explode if you don’t kill them fast enough. The greater problem is that none of the enemies are particularly dangerous or different. Somehow, against all odds, Lollipop Chainsaw made it utterly unfun to swing a chainsaw at undead masses. As a result, she moves awkwardly, has to finish an animation before attacking again, and isn’t terribly effective for a large chunk of the campaign. Juliet’s basic moves - tied to a couple attacks and a dodge function - don’t flow together until late in the game when she’s unlocked basic combos we’d expect to have from the start. It sounds like an arsenal ripe for endless amusement, but the sad reality is that it’s a slow grind. Juliet uses pom-poms, a chainsaw, a gigantic gun, and sometimes the head of her boyfriend on the end of a leash to kill zombies.

His sarcastic demeanor makes playing as Juliet tolerable - something that can’t really be said about the combat or enemy encounters. Juliet is an idiotic, unaware bimbo, and Nick is a frustrated, frightened, impatient high schooler who just has to deal with her. Almost every word out of Nick’s mouth made me laugh out loud because he’s written well. His banter is one of the only constants in Lollipop Chainsaw.

He’s confused, incapable of contributing much, and quick with a witty joke. Of course, the guy can’t do much more than color commentary since he’s nothing more than a disembodied head strapped to Juliet’s waist. A few hours into the five-hour story I was sick of hearing anyone say anything - except for Nick, Juliet’s boyfriend. The exhausting vulgarity is amusing early on but grows annoying shortly afterward. When shocking and titillating the player take precedent over the core gameplay loop, we have problems.

Obscenity eventually hits a point where it’s no longer contributing to anything. In and out of combat, the primary goal of Lollipop Chainsaw is the money shot, whether it’s up Starling’s skirt or down her shirt. For every zombie Juliet Starling decapitates with her chainsaw, someone calls her a whore, talks about masturbating to her, or comments on her gigantic breasts. At some point, however, the over-the-top exploitation of a hyper-sexualized high school student isn’t the parody it started as anymore. Lollipop embraces exploitation to poke fun at itself - everything is excessively violent, excessively sexual, and mashed together with glitter, sparkles, and rainbows. Profanity is as prevalent as innuendo, and the open-faced absurdity is endearing. It has fun with itself and is proud to be what it is. From top to bottom, Lollipop Chainsaw is self-aware and utterly silly. If you can’t hang with the nonsense from the start, you won’t keep up as the obscene insanity spirals further out of control. In the first five minutes, a voluptuous blonde goes from welcoming you to her bedroom to having a steamy shower scene to slaughtering zombies in her high school. Even fewer are willing to leave you behind if you aren’t into it. Few games establish a tone as firmly and quickly as this one.

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